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  “Just some clay,” I said in as nonchalant way as possible to deter any follow up questions.

  He quickly diverted his attention to Cotta. “What bout you?”

  “I found a large fungus. The size of your head!”

  “No way!” he squealed. “When do we eat it?!”

  I tempered his enthusiasm – “He’s joking, Ceramy. All we hauled was rocks and clay.”

  The boy giggled. “That’s funny but now I’m kinda sad you didn’t find it, hey guess what I found while collecting today, I’ve never seen anything like it, you wanna see it?”

  He pulled out a tiny rock and handed it to me. I looked at him, unsure of how this was in any way special. “You gotta rub it,” he said with growing excitement.

  I rubbed the rock, wiping away some of the dirt and revealing a sparkling surface. I held it to the dim lantern and within the rock, I saw glowing colors I had never seen before. One was blue and one was darker and one was brighter. How do you describe a color if you’ve never seen it before?

  Cotta grabbed it from my hands and scratched at the surface. He banged it against the ground. “It’s worthless. Too difficult to cut and shape.”

  “But it’s so pretty!” he retorted. That’s when I noticed Kaolin’s eyes watching me. I smiled and waved politely, but she quickly turned her head as if she wasn’t even looking my way. I felt bad for the girl even though I shouldn’t. We all have jobs and just because hers leaves her restless in the hive all day isn’t my fault. And when she becomes fertile, and if her body is able to withstand the birthing process, she will have a considerably decent life by our standards. She will get the most food and doesn’t even have to work for it; she just has to usher in the next generation of workers.

  The others slowly siphoned in and all seventy-three of us sat on tiny mounds of dirt, listening to the High Elder as he announced the daily haul. Echo was presented and we all stared at her bursting belly. Crumble, the father of the soon-to-be baby, stood beside her, proud but tempered.

  We ended the ceremony by gathering in line and rubbing the breeders’ bellies for good luck. As my hand brushed against Echo, I felt a tiny foot kick at my fingers. I rubbed some of the stomach and instead of seeing unimaginable colors, I saw a little imprint of the future.

  “What’s their name gonna be?” I asked, staring at the belly.

  Echo smiled and simply said, “Hope.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Fervor:

  I wasn’t stealing; I was borrowing.

  But even if I wasn’t returning it, it wasn’t stealing. It was technically 1/74th mine and 1/74th Cottas so that means it was 1 somethingth Cotta and mine which we could use when we wanted.

  It was just a prototype but it worked well enough. A self-sustaining lantern, like the Central Tank, but portable. It meant future collectors wouldn’t need to fill up their lanterns with methane any more, they could just deposit droppings in the bottom and the methane would always be present. And it’s not like we were taking the only one of its kind; there were three prototypes so the colony would be fine. Cotta and I also constructed a portable tank to cultivate some bacteria. It couldn’t fill large tunnels with oxygen, but in areas depleted of air, the tank might be a lifesaver.

  By my count, we had all that we needed for our journey. We had light with enough deposits to last us awhile. We had also been saving some of our rations of chum every feeding period, so we had food which would allow us to continue to make deposits in the lantern. The lantern gave us light and fire which allowed us to heat our urine in the aquifyer giving us clean drinking water and the tanks would supply us with enough breathable oxygen. We had enough to sustain us for about a quarter of a cycle.

  Neither of us worried too much about when our sustenance would run dry. Cotta didn’t worry because he didn’t think that far ahead. I wasn’t worried because I trusted in our ability to find our own food and water as we moved forward.

  What worried me most wasn’t the rigors of the journey ahead, but was leaving my father behind. He was a good father by all accounts and cherished me more than any other father cherished their child in the colony. I had wanted to make this journey for cycles but had held back because of him. He found out my secret desire through no fault of my own. While my eyes were closed and I was off in far away lands, my secrets unwittingly flooded from my mouth and he overheard everything I had been thinking but never said.

  He sat me down one day and told me how when he was younger, he adored my mother. He wished she would be his and only his, but his father told him his dreams should stay locked away in his head, for they were merely dreams. And then, one day he was lucky enough to be chosen and for one day, she was his and he was hers. The cycle in which I grew in my mother’s stomach was the best time of his life. He was allowed to provide for her daily, watching his love grow inside of her and then, I was born and I became his while she became another’s.

  My father’s dream had come true, if only for a fleeting period of time, and I was the lasting memory not only of his love, but that wishes and wants were possible. I was the most important thing in the colony to him, but he would rather me dream and wish and want than just be relegated as his dream. He told me that his new dream was for me to live mine, for me to make my life rather than live his. It made departing the colony an easier task to swallow, but I still worried about leaving him alone.

  I sat in the Grotto next to my father, Cotta and Dover as we watched Grub perform his magic show. He was the most experienced at sleight of hand in the colony and for better or worse, he was the best entertainment we had and a lot more exciting than watching larvae “race” down a clay track with people gambling portions of their chum rations on the winner.

  Grub picked up a large chunk of clay, waved his hand over it and turned it into a sharp rock. We all clapped our hands as he continued his show. Cotta and the others were deeply immersed in his performance while my eyes predictably wandered. Instead of watching the magician, I observed the audience; I found their reactions more interesting than the show before them. Everybody was so focused on the act in front of them that they were missing out on the show all around.

  As my eyes wandered, they landed on the only other wandering eyes. Kaolin wasn’t looking at me; instead, she was watching the people all around her. I watched her as she watched the others until finally, she peaked my way.

  My eyes didn’t dart away and neither did hers. We stared at each other across the packed room, observing each other as we observed the other. And then, she smiled.

  That’s when I looked away. My eyes darted back to the magician and stayed there. Even though I couldn’t see her, I could feel her watching me. I could feel her analyzing and deciphering me like I would everybody else. I didn’t like it. What she was doing didn’t feel right. When I watched everybody, they were ignorant of my eyes, but she knew I knew she was watching yet she continued to do so. It was rude is what it was.

  I turned back to give her a disapproving look but she was gone. I felt her eyes still on me but she was nowhere to be found.

  “Could there ever be a magician so good he could make a person disappear?” Cotta looked at me as inquisitive as ever.

  “I dunno,” I replied, my most often response to one of his questions.

  It was an ordinary moment for Cotta and an ordinary moment for me. It was an ordinary moment for the colony and for the world as we so presumed. Things were all so ordinary when Crumble quickly jumped to his feet and with such excitement and enthusiasm shouted:

  “Echo’s water just broke!”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Breech:

  It happened suddenly like all good and bad things. The colony quickly dispersed, leaving Echo alone in the Grotto with only Crumble and the elders who would help escort new life into our world. It was a great moment for Crumble and the others, but an anxious one for me and Cotta. After the delivery of a newborn, the colony allows everybody to take the day off as we feast on fresh milk, chum, and pl
acenta. It is a time where we do not have to deliver our gatherings for the day, which means we had an extra day’s head start before they knew we were gone.

  Our problem was simple: we had yet to breach through to the old hive. Now, with Echo going into labor, we might not be able to break through in time.

  Cotta hurried over to me. “If she’s still in labor when we wake up, they’ll send us out to collect, right?”

  “It depends on how much food we’ve got stockpiled. We might not get a chance to break through until the celebration.”

  Cotta bit his lip. “We could sneak out when everyone’s sleeping.”

  “We’re dead if somebody spots us.” I looked around at all of the excited people. “We wait until the baby is born. Appear at the feast and then slip out. Hopefully we chip through right away.”

  He looked uneasy. “What if it takes us too long? They might send someone to get us. Even if we break through, they know the old hive better than we do. They’ll be able to catch us.”

  I had the solution tiptoeing across my tongue, but I didn’t want to say it aloud. I didn’t want to utter the words because it would make it more real…but I had to. “We collapse the tunnel behind us.”

  “What if we want to go back? What if we need to?”

  Cotta’s usual jovial tone turned bleak as his hypothetical questions transformed into very real quandaries. I didn’t want to persuade him into doing anything he wasn’t comfortable with, but it would be impossible for me to make the journey all by myself.

  “Look, chances are we break through right away and nobody notices. We get a big head-start and we can leave the tunnel as is.”

  “What if we don’t?”

  “Just…think about everything and what you want or don’t want and when we come to that point, we can figure things out.”

  He nodded and walked to his cubby. I knew we would come across a variety of barriers in our journey, but I didn’t think we would hit an impasse so soon. But here I was, telling Cotta not to ask good questions as I attempted to ignore futuristic scenarios.

  I didn’t go back to the cubby for awhile; instead, I sat at the top of the cove and looked down at the hive. The Central Tank burned bright, sprinkling light across the many smiling and excited faces. A thin layer of smoke formed at the roof of the hive, contained by the same barrier protecting me. If I were to dig up, I could free us both. We would claw our way to the surface, to the charred past. The smoke would survive, but I wouldn’t. I would burn or freeze or suffocate but in the moments before the world went dark, I would see it. I would see what once was; I would see the world through unfiltered eyes and perhaps discover the remains of large insects.

  I continued to sit at the edge of my world, legs dangling off the path. As time passed, more and more people dispersed, heading to their cubbies to sleep. I should go back and spend my last day with my father, but for some reason, I can’t get up, I can’t leave. As much as I care for everybody here, as much as I love my father, nothing ever changes, nobody changes. I can wake up and expect the day to go as it goes. I can expect people to act the way they act. Every so often, there’s a slight surprise like Echo’s water breaking early, but they are the same surprises. I want something new. I want something I’ve never seen or heard or imagined. I want a spark. I want to be ignited. I want my flesh scorched and imagination set ablaze.

  And then, I had an epiphany. These were no longer wants, they were no longer desires. They had become needs. I needed the change. I needed the different. I needed it as much as I needed food and air and water and light. But it was something the colony could not provide for me. It was something my father could not give me. It was only something I could earn myself. I need to see colors I could never imagine. And even if it meant my light would go out and I’d be lost forever, it was a risk I had to take. I’d rather have my light extinguished than never having been lit.

  The world was still and quiet and I suddenly realized I was alone. It was just me and the flame. My father was asleep. Cotta was asleep. The world was sleeping while I dreamt.

  I stood up and gazed out below me. Time to get some sleep

  ***

  “She squeezed him out!” I squinted and examined Cotta in the dim light. “The celebration is starting.”

  I looked over at my father’s bed, but he was nowhere to be found. “We’ll eat and then slip out.”

  Cotta led the way. The closer we got, the louder the chanting. In the Cove, a beady eyed Echo smiled to her adoring fans as Crumble held up their baby boy, Hope. He was still covered in uteral lining but he was beautiful as all babies are. The other breeders quickly tended to the child as the Hivetakers distributed the chum and fresh milk. And then, a nice little gift: we divvied up some of the crags we had been collecting and breeding. The little insects were still alive which made them extra juicy but difficult to swallow as their legs try to scurry up your tongue even after you bite down on their heads.

  I took a sip of Echo’s sweet milk and looked over at Cotta. He took a bite of crag and nodded his head. I looked across the room and spotted my dad eating and celebrating with the other fathers. I didn’t say anything. I just got up and excused myself. Kaolin gave me a questioning look, but I needn’t explain.

  Cotta and I left and planned to meet back in his cubby after I collected all my belongings. When I got to my cubby, I pulled out a piece of charcoal. I wanted my father to know I would remember him always. I needed him to know I would survive for the both of us. I drew a quick picture. It wasn’t my best, but it would be my last on this wall. I picked up my supplies and looked over at my creation: a fiery ball in the sky glaring down at a barren Earth. On the tallest mound of dirt stood me, staring down below.

  Cotta and I reached our secret path in no time. There was no need to play any game to decide who was going. It was going to be me breaching through, giving birth to my new life.

  I quickly crawled through the tunnel and immediately began chipping away. I could feel my future inching up in front of me. The oxygen was thin in the tunnel, but I was undeterred. I could smell the mystery ahead. Whereas the unknown was frightening to many of those in the hive, for me, it was my freedom.

  I slammed the butte of my ax against the wall. Again and again and again until finally, I broke through and a gust of air splashed against my face and doused my light.

  It was pitch black. I didn’t think my light would go out this soon. I continued to break through the wall, and I crawled blindly ahead, feeling my way hesitantly. I turned and shouted, “I’m through!”

  I sat there in darkness for a few moments. I had no idea what lay in front of me, but instead of being scared, I was excited. I spotted Cotta’s light inching through the tunnel. His head finally poked through, anxiety smattered across his face. “We have a problem.”

  Before I could ask him what he meant, I saw the problem crawling up behind him:

  Kaolin.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The Beginning:

  “What do we do?” Cotta asked as he relit my lantern.

  “She can’t come with us!” I shouted stubbornly.

  “If we send her back, she’ll tell everybody where we went.” Cotta took a seat on the ground as if he were exhausted from mining all day.

  I wanted to sit down with him, but I needed to take charge. “We don’t have enough supplies for her. We send her back and collapse the tunnel.”

  Kaolin looked at me with her wide eyes. “I don’t know how to get back.”

  “It’s her first time away from the hive,” Cotta said calmly.

  I jumped to my feet and ushered her back to the tunnel. “It’s easy. Go through here, then at the divide go left, then the next intersection go up two tunnels and right three. Then crawl through that and go through two intersections, take the tunnel at the way bottom, then go left at the fork.”

  Kaolin stared at me blankly.

  “We don’t even know if she wants to come with us!” I stammered.

  Kaolin sm
iled, “I want to go with you.”

  “No, you don’t. You’re just a kid. The colony needs you.” I had gone over a thousand scenarios but had never imagined this happening.

  Cotta took a bite of his chum. “We’d need her if we want to repopulate.”

  “We’re explorers not colonists! And we’ve got to conserve our food!” I snatched away his chum. And then, I realized something that made my stomach churn. “At the end of the celebration, the future breeders are toasted. They’re going to notice she’s gone.”

  Cotta picked up his ax and headed toward the opening of our tunnel. “Should we cave it in?”

  I thought about all of our options. I thought about what collapsing the tunnel meant. “We conceal the entrance to the tunnel. It’ll buy us some more time.”

  Cotta and I stared at each other in silence, communicating our thoughts telepathically. Kaolin examined us, trying to understand what we weren’t saying. “I have a question…” she said tentatively. “You conceal the tunnel…it takes them longer, but then they find it and we’re still stuck in the Old Hive.”

  Cotta turned to the girl: “Our ancestors who founded the original hive, their paths were never caved in, they’re just unstable but…”

  “It doesn’t matter what we’re doing,” I interrupted, “we’re going to draw you directions and conceal the entrance. If anybody asks where we went, you just say you don’t know.”

  I enthusiastically nodded after saying my ingenious plan. Kaolin snatched some of my chum and took a bite. “I’ll tell them exactly where you went.”

  “You’re not coming with us! She’s not coming with us!” I sputtered.

  Cotta stood up and calmly moved toward the tunnel. “I’ll conceal the entrance. You two work all this out.” He grabbed his lantern and disappeared.

  “I’ll pull my weight. I won’t slow you down. I’m stronger than you think.”